Continues from here.
As I boarded the bus with Dean I didn’t know whether to be upset with Adam, upset with the crew with whom he was travelling, or myself because I’d fluffed around the issue for so long without trying to resolve it. I couldn’t really be that annoyed with the crew none of them knew that Adam and I were having a lover’s tiff, that was what I’d started calling it in my mind since I’d seen Jason’s video, and therefore allowing him to take an early ride was done to keep us separated.
I guess I was a bit upset with Adam because I couldn’t think of any logical reason why he’d entered a public toilet knowing there was going to be an exchange of sexual favors for concert tickets if he didn’t intend to participate. While the video did show Adam refusing any sexual favors, maybe he’d gone in there with the same intentions as Jason and he’d realized his mistake. I just didn’t know, and because his early departure I wasn’t going to find out for at least a few hours.
Then there was me.
I wasn’t physically beating myself up, that would have looked really silly on the tour bus and would have raised too many questions, but I was beating myself up mentally. Now you might have heard me use the word fuck once or twice but some of the names I called myself during my mental bashing were really quite bad, honestly you wouldn’t believe some of them!
See the problem was that I knew I could have changed the outcome of my current situation had I not been so hell bent on not listening to everyone. Oh I had my reasons for not wanting to listen and I thought they were right, especially at the time, but sitting on the bus with hindsight my friend I of course had a different idea.
“What’s on your mind sis?” Dean said as he approached me about an hour into the trip.
I was surprised I’d been sitting by myself for so long without anyone else talking to me. I was also surprised that I hadn’t come up with anything solid to make me feel better about myself but there was no point beating myself up any more.
“Ah shit, you interrupted my train of thought, I was just on the verge of a solution for world peace.” I replied with a smirk.
“Oh well, you can fix that later I wanted to see how you were getting on.”
“Solving the problems of the world, I told you that.”
After Adam sat down we stopped being silly and began talking to each other like a caring brother and sister do. Adam was concerned that I was beating myself up, I tried to convince him I wasn’t, he called me a liar and I punched him in the arm. After that the conversation moved to family, friends and music, it was a good distraction and I was thankful for it.
When we arrived in New Orleans our bus went straight to the motel, we’d heard via the two way radios not long before pulling up that the crew had arrived safely and were already loading in and that gave us nothing to do until our 5:30 sound check. With more than two hours to kill I decided I was going to take a nap, it always seemed that after a good nights sleep I always wanted to spend the following afternoon napping. After so many years with the band I’d convinced myself it was a ‘on the road’ behavior and something worth doing to help ensure a good show in the evening. When I was off the road I just did it and tried not to make any excuses for it.
Once I found my room and dumped my bags I didn’t even bother changing clothes or undressing I just flopped myself on the bed, rolled onto my back, looked up and the ceiling, a ceiling that really did need cleaning and drifted off into the land of nod. I slept soundlessly and had it not been for a banging on the door at 5:15pm I might well have missed the start of our sound check.
“Hang on” I called groggily from the bed as I rolled over and put my feet on the floor.
As soon as the door was unlocked Dean bound through it nearly pushing it out of my hand. “Have you spoken to Adam yet?”
“Geezus Dean, I’ve been asleep since we got here. I thought I told you I was coming in for a nap?”
“Yeah but it’s been more than two hours I thought you’d have been rushing to speak to Adam?”
“I’m not in a rush to speak to anyone.”
“But you’ve seen the video, Adam is…”
I butted in before he could finish. “And as I told you Dean, it doesn’t explain why he was there. I will talk to Adam but I will talk to him in my own bloody time and when I feel comfortable. Sheesh you’re worse than Mom when it comes to this relationship stuff.”
“Have you spoken to Mom?” he replied changing the subject slightly.
“No, but last time I did she was telling me I needed to talk to him and she doesn’t even know what went on! Unless you told her?”
“Shit, Chris! I wouldn’t tell her anything like that. Mom would be on the next flight here and kick his ass for you if I told her what you thought happened.”
“Yeah and maybe he still deserves it! Now shut up and let me get changed for sound check, I presume that’s why you’re here, to escort me to the venue, and not just badger me about Adam?”
Dean didn’t agree or disagree with any part of that statement but as I dug into my bags for a quick change of clothes he sat down on the edge of the bed and started flicking through a music magazine he’d been carrying rolled up in his back pocket.
It only took me a few minutes to change out of my ‘travelling’ gear and into my ‘sound check’ gear and Dean hardly had time to read one article before I was tapping my feet in front of him and suggesting he was holding me up.
Sound check went great, despite being in the land of Blues the venue we were playing held regular heavy metal gigs and it showed in the way things were set up. The names of bands appearing in the weeks after our gig was almost a who’s who of the metal world, the kinds of bands that have influenced us right throughout our career.
Pretty much every gig there is a small caper somewhere in the system, a dicky lead, a plug that needs replacing, the sorts of things that can take an hour to track down and two minutes to fix, but none of that happened in New Orleans and sound check was completed so quickly the band decided to play a three song set of songs we weren’t playing on that tour just for the venue staff and the crew.
After sound check Dean told me he was hanging around the venue and would eat with the rest of the crew, he had his gear dropped at the venue and had no need to return to the motel. Given that my gear was still at the motel and it was a lovely calm evening I decided I would walk back to the motel, grab something from their kitchen and then get a ride back with one of the security team. I had plenty of time and more than enough energy and another walk would do me wonders.
The venue wasn’t even out of sight when I heard a voice calling me from behind, “Christie! Wait up. Chris, please wait.” I didn’t have to turn to know the voice was Adam’s.
I didn’t stop but I did slow down and within a few seconds a panting Adam stepped up beside me.
“Christie, can we please talk.”
“You’ve got until we reach the motel to say what you need to say.”
“You’ve seen the video? You know what happened?”
“Your wasting your talking time Adam,” I know I sounded a bit bitchy and it was probably unfair to some degree but I was as grumpy with myself as I was with him.
“Christie I am so sorry I hurt you, I should have tried harder to apologize after it happened. I should have insisted on telling you nothing happened but I didn’t think I could get you to listen and at the time I thought giving you space was the best thing. But now you’ve seen the video.” He was struggling a bit to think up words on the fly.
“Yes I have seen the video but that is not the issue.”
“Well can you please tell me what the issue is so I can do something about it?”
I was extremely tempted not to say anything, but even I know silence is a relationship killer and the female mind gets caught on different things to the male mind so there was a good chance he had no idea why I was still so annoyed. I stayed silent for a few steps and when the motel came into sight I decided I would talk rather than make him guess.
“The issue is that you were there in the first place.” I let that sink in for a second. “The issue is you went into the female toilets knowing exactly what was going to happen. Now for the life of me I can’t figure out what you were thinking doing that if you weren’t planning to participate.” There was silence from beside me. “You’ve got about thirty seconds until we reach my room, if you haven’t got anything by then don’t bother Adam.”
Was I being to harsh? I didn’t think so, I figured he he had a good reason he’d be able to tell me, giving him longer, even locking him out and talking to him later just gave him more time to think up a story. I put him on the place for a reason, to see if he had an excuse, not for him to think of one.
“Christie I went in there….”