Continued from here.
I sat at the back of the cafe for ages just staring at nothing and thinking. Thoughts of Simon, thoughts of work and thoughts of Sonya.
The thoughts of Simon always came back to the same thing, he was not willing to accept just how hard his situation was on me. Sure in fairness it was my job to worry about me and not his but too often he made it feel like he didn’t understand how I felt. I hated giving him the ‘other woman’ speech as often as I had done it but while he kept trying to reassure me that he understood, his actions said different. It was also those actions that made me wonder exactly how the kids were taking things. Was Simon blind to just how the kids were effected? Were they really okay with the situation? They weren’t questions I needed to answer but they were questions the plagued me as much as the ‘other woman’ feeling plagued me.
At some point in time I also found myself wondering about work. If I was being honest with myself I had not been giving work the attention it deserved. It wasn’t that I was ignoring bills, ignoring customers or even skipping work it was just that I had spent so much time physically there but not mentally there. If I had been one of my own staff I’d have sent myself home multiple times because of a lack of attention to the job at hand, I knew that, I also knew I was damn lucky to have someone like Sonya working for me and picking up my slack.
Then there was the thoughts of Sonya and her girlfriend. After all the times Sonya had given me a shoulder to cry on, or a sympathetic ear, or even a kick in the butt to wake me up, the one time she came to me for help, okay I dragged it out of her, the best I could offer was to go and talk to Tracy and take some time off work.
Of the three things I was thinking about the only one I actually wanted to do anything about was the issues with Sonya. Between Simon and me, as disastrous as it sounds, the ball was in his court. Between myself and work, well that was my ball to own but that needed regular attention not immediate attention. Sonya’s situation was different, my best friend was hurting and I just wanted to help her.
If I’d had my mobile phone on me I think I would have messaged or rang her right at that moment but it was in my bag inside and the split second it took me to realize that I also realized that it was not the best idea. Sonya should have been talking things through with Tracy not answering calls and messages, I would message her after dinner.
It was at time I looked up and actually registered that darkness was falling around me. I looked at my watch and realized it was after 6pm and nightfall was indeed descending. As it was I was going to be walking home in the dark, which wasn’t a huge problem but I did prefer to walk home in the light. I went inside and got my bag, ratted through the fridge for something I could re-heat for dinner, I settled on a lasagna which would probably have ended up as lunch for either me or Sonya anyway, grabbed my bag and headed out the door.
As I sat at home eating my dinner I wondered…if Sonya deserved her own story on this blog…sorry, I wondered how Sonya was getting on. I resisted the urge to send her a message until nearly 8pm when I’d finished dinner and cleaned up the dirty dishes, even then I chose to send her a messages asking if she was ok to work the following day rather than a direct message asking how she was. A few minutes after I hit send my phone beeped and vibrated on the table I picked it up, it was from Simon.
“I’ve thought about everything.
I understand what you mean.
Can we please talk?
I miss you.”
I put the phone down without a reply, I liked Simon too much to reply with the thoughts that were swimming through my mind. I’d sent him home less that three hours earlier to think about everything, there was no way he’d had enough time to do that, especially not given that it was time he would have spent with the kids. I decided I would leave his reply until at least morning when I’d had time to think of a better reply than my angry mind had at that moment.
It wasn’t until I was headed to the bathroom for a shower forty five minutes later that Sonya got back to me with a phone call. I had to rush back to the kitchen where the phone sat on the table in order to answer it, and I was glad to see Sonya’s picture on the display and not Simon’s.
“Hey Son, how’s things kiddo?”
“Hey Kat, I’m ok, not perfect but okay. Look I was wondering if you think you could manage without me tomorrow. I know it’s our busy day but I wanted some time, maybe I can come in just for the lunch rush, if it’s too much. Nah look don’t worry I’ll come in.”
“Sonya,” I interrupted not knowing where the conversation was going. “I’ll manage I promise, take as much time as you need, I’ll get Mary and Francis if I need too. Are you alright? Is there anything I can help with?”
“No Kat, honestly I am okay, I just need some time.”
“Did you talk to Tracy? Did you work things out? Did something happen?” I couldn’t help myself the suspense of not knowing was killing me.
“Hon, I’m okay I promise. Tracy and I did talk and I’ll fill you in as soon as I know what’s happening, I promise, I just want some time.”
“Are you sure?” It was a reactionary response and rather than wait for a response I continued talking. “Take as much as you need, ring me any time if you need something.”
We hung up not long after that, I was not satisfied with the outcome but I also didn’t want push Sonya. She was a tough kid, she would survive and if she had a story to tell I’m sure she would tell me when she needed to.
For the first time in a few days I went to sleep thinking about Sonya rather than thinking about Simon.