I’d just asked Sonya what the bad news was given that she’d just come back in from her morning coffee break with Simon’s phone.
Ok long story short for those who are just catching up. Since dumping Simon because he was too caught up on his ex-wife he’d been a right pain in my backside, he wouldn’t take no for an answer, he appeared to be jealous of Tom, but worst of all when he inadvertently left his phone at my house, after I kneed him him the balls, I’d found videos of the two of us having sex. Not only that, apparently at the same time as he was having sex with me and filming it, according to the time stamps he was doing exactly the same with his ex wife who he claimed to be divorced from.
The annoying thing was that since he’d realized the phone was at my place he’d decided that the best way to get the phone back was to tell me there was pictures of his kids on the thing. Sonya had seen it for what it was immediately, a tug on my own parental heart strings to make me do as he wanted. I wasn’t far behind her in that thinking but I wanted to be sure and being sure meant giving the phone to Sonya because I had no idea where photos and videos could be kept on a phone.
So that’s where we were, Sonya had checked the phone and found nothing of his kids on there any any form. Obviously the guy didn’t think I was smart enough to work out his screen unlock code so I could check this stuff for myself. Or maybe he thought I was still stupid enough to believe the bullshit he was dishing out and didn’t need to check the phone. I don’t really know what it was but it’s fair to say I was annoyed either way.
But Sonya has also come in saying there was bad news, so what was it?
“So what’s the bad news?” I asked.
“Well he’s got nothing hidden in any of the apps, he’s got no hidden programs and there is no hidden storage on the memory card or anything.”
“I’m waiting Sonya?” I said as she put the phone back into my hand bag. “And so are our customers who come here expecting service in a prompt manner.”
“Oh so do you want me to go back to work?” There was a smile on her face and I offered to wipe it off for her but she declined the offer. “Okay keep ya knickers on ol’ girl!”
“Sometimes I wonder why I keep you around here, girl!”
“Because of my charming wit and wonderful outlook!” Sonya replied. Reminding me that some days it just doesn’t pay to be nice to people because it just encourages them!
“Yes that’s it, now tell me what the bad news before Francis comes in screaming you aren’t doing your job!” I said slightly irate.
“OK so there is no more stuff with you in it. Or the kids”
“Yes Sonya we did this bit! Get on with it!” I said.
“Alright, alright.” The smile on her face was a mile wide. “Look it’s not really a big issue, well not as far as you are concerned because like I say no kids and no you but the guy really has a collection on that phone.”
“Collection of what?” I asked.
“A collection of what could only be described as a Treasure Trove Of Tits!”
Of course you know without me telling you at which point Francis walked into the kitchen. You know exactly how many words she heard and you know exactly what sort of look she gave us. The only thing I was thankful for at that point in time was that Phoebe wasn’t working that day and walked in on the same words because while Francis didn’t quite have the same sense of humor as we did Phoebe saw funny in even less.
I’ll give Francis some credit, she took it better than I thought she would. Instead of giving us a dirty look and walking out, or making a comment about work time and leisure time she looked at us both in in the driest of manners delivered the line. “Treasures you may be but I still only see one pair of tits!” she then dropped the dirty dishes she was carrying on the bench near the sink, ripped the order from her order pad and dropped it on the work bench, then turned and walked out leaving us both laughing.
The laughter didn’t last long before Sonya told me that her comment was referring to the large collection of porn, mostly photos, that was stored on the phone’s memory card. Apparently Simon had spent quite a large amount of his time using his phone to surf the internet and he gathered pictures as he went.
I thanked Sonya for her efforts and suggested she should get back to work, she was only four minutes late from her break but it was four minutes I knew I’d have to offer Francis when it came time for her break.
So I guess in the overall scheme of things Sonya’s bad news wasn’t the worst news it could be. I could understand why she called it bad, it was further proof that I had been dating a lying shit and something I didn’t really need reminding of.
Despite the fact that in my mind I knew it was highly likely they guy was lying about his kids photos it was still a bit of a kick in the guts to find out but it did make my decision about not giving the phone back to him easier. I didn’t know what I was going to do with the thing but it wasn’t going back in a hurry.