I guess I don’t really know how to end this, as is evident by the length of what I have written. What started out as me telling you a little about what was my boring life until I met a man named Jack Richards turned into a novel length story of ups and downs, but mostly ups.
Truth is my life is filled with two great men. A boss who is one of the nicest men around and loves to entertain me with his silly banter and crazy little stories that keep the humdrum of work rolling along nicely. And Jack, the man who came into my life because he wanted to get rid of some scrap metal and stayed in my life long enough to teach me to ride a motorcycle, something I never thought I’d do, show me things I hadn’t seen before, sing for me, entertain me, make me laugh and most of all show me what love really is.
Yes I guess that’s what it comes down to Jack showed me what love is. The few men I had met before him might have shown me what sex was, or what they thought it was, they might even have given me some entertainment but Jack showed me what love was, true, deep, passionate, live your life for someone else, love.
Before we went on our week away I wasn’t unsure of my feelings for Jack, in fact I was sure I loved him and he loved me, but that week away was like the cement foundations of what I realized I wanted my life to be.
I knew before we left for home that our week in a bubble was going to change, we both had work to go back to, we both had lives and we both had families and friends to see. But I also knew as we rode down those winding curves in the Mustang than I wanted to do as much of those things with Jack as I possibly could.
I didn’t want to quit work and start spending every waking moment with him, I liked Bill too much for that, but I wanted to come home to Jack every night. I wanted to be there for him when he’d had a bad day, I wanted him to be there for me, and I wanted to cuddle up with him every night. Sure you might think we were already doing that and while we kind of were what I realized I wanted was to not need to make that phone call asking whose place we were to have dinner or whose place we would sleep at. I wanted the decision to be made for me, I wanted to go home to the same place every night that Jack did.
It took me nearly two weeks to bring that conversation up with Jack, not because I was scared he’d say no, I was fairly sure he would say yes, but because it was a huge step and my brain just kept stumbling.
Every night of that two weeks we were together, even the night Jack had a late meeting with some Civic group about road safety he came around to my place and stayed the night. We were together but still ringing or messaging each other to find out where we would be together, it didn’t feel right.
Finally Jack broke me, he obviously knew there was something on my mind, something that had been bugging me and when he asked I gave things away further by stumbling on my words and saying that nothing was wrong. Well in truth there was nothing wrong, I was just a bundle of silly nerves over something I didn’t need to be nervous over.
“Okay, I’ve been thinking about this a bit since we came back from the woods.” I started out, my voice was a bit more together than I thought it would be, perhaps Jack’s arm around me helped with that, perhaps my mind had finally given up trying to talk me out of things. “I guess I should have said something earlier, but I…” Obviously my brain wasn’t caught up with my mind
“Is something wrong Dianne? Has something changed?” Jack asked and I felt him tense up but he didn’t move his arm from around me.
It was at that moment, feeling Jack hold me tight despite sensing that whatever was about to go down might not have been something he wanted to hear that I knew I just had to come straight out with what I had to say. Like I have said I didn’t think he was going to say no but even the tiniest bit of niggling doubt was eating at me.
“Nothing is wrong. Nothing has changed.”
“Then what’s the matter?”
My silly brain screamed at him to be quiet so I could talk, the same silly brain that was stopping me from talking. I mentally slapped my self across the side of the head to shake the cobwebs out and I guess it kind of worked because almost immediately after that I blurted out.
“I want us to move in together!”
Given the three important men I have chosen to surround myself with, yes I should include my father in that group despite him not being as silly as Jack and Bill, I guess I should have been expecting Jack’s response to be anything from serious to a joke, from heartfelt to sarcasm, loving to silly. But instead what I got was stone cold silence, not a damn word!
After a few seconds, which felt like a month, I pulled myself from Jack’s arm, twisted my body and looked him in the face. Not only was there stone cold silence the look on his face was stone cold as well.
“Dianne…I…” apparently it was Jack’s turn to stumble on his words, not something I’d seen often. “I…”